So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
