I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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