I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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