The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
