I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
