alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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