Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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