the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
