It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
