I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she peed on how many people?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
