is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
