I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
