anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
