Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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