i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
