I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
