never play flip cup with pint glasses
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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