I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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