Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
