Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
