Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
