just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
