I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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