I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
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