He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
