just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
