you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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