I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
