I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
