respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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