Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
jump out the window naked night went bad
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