I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
