Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
