its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
