I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
