i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
