I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
