goodnight i made you a song goodbye
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
