Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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