smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
