He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
