there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
