i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
