my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
