do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
