Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
