So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
