in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
