is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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