After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
