Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
